Alien is disturbed by the fragility of life.

"Life is so fragile, you know? No one is too big to avoid catastrophe, no one too successful or rich. Anyone can be hacked to pieces by external factors. Anyone can be felled by personal failings. Existence is delicate china positioned around the raging bulls of inevitability and consequence. And there's not a thing we can do about any of it." 

The Mongolian Death Worm can't find work.

"It's been over a year since I got laid off, and the unemployment benefits are about to dry up. The thing about my situation is, auto sales is the only thing I know. Thirty-five years I've sold cars. I don't have a degree, so what the fuck am I supposed to do? No one is buying cars. I guess I could go back to school, but I'm too old. And the wife can barely support us as it is. I just want to work, you know? I want to go back to making a living. I have to do right by my family. I need purpose. I've got no purpose." 

The Thing can't stop crying.

"[43 minutes of relentless sobbing]"

Wolfman has body-image issues.

"I can't stand the sight of myself in a mirror. I'm fucking hideous. I hate my fucking body. Look at me! LOOK AT ME. Who could possibly want this? I'M A FUCKING MONSTER FOR CHRIST'S SAKE, DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND-- [Inaudible] "

Malaise for the Montauk Monster

"Do you have any idea what a struggle it is to get out of bed every morning? It literally saps all my energy. When I get to work, I spend a good two hours just staring at a gray wall, and no one even notices. Where did my passions go? I used to draw, you know. Really well, too. I won awards for my sketches of people on the subway. Now, I'm stuck in this crude cycle of mindless working, laborious drinking, and intermittent sleep. I'm starting to fear I'll never break out of it, that I'm going to die alone and unfulfilled and forgotten."

Zombie Nazi has daddy issues.

"My dad doesn't respect what I do. Sure, I'm not in oil and gas, but I'm making a living. But then, nothing has ever been good enough for him. No girl I ever dated was pretty enough and he even hates my wife. I say 'hates' because he refused to attend our wedding. I would like nothing more for him to just be proud of me. Just once." 

Cyclops is haunted by an unfortunate accident.

"I was driving home from work last night when I got distracted changing the radio station. Next thing I know, there's a loud noise and the car jumps, like when you hit a speed bump going too fast. I look in the rearview, and a chocolate lab is lying motionless in the middle of the street. I was devastated. I got out of the car to see if I could help the dog...but it was gone. And then I had to explain to the little girl who showed up that I killed her dog. The look on her face is something that will haunt me for the rest of my life." 

King Kong wants to know, "What's it all for?"

"Get up, go to work. Work to buy the things you need. Work to pay for your home, where you go when you're done with work. Work to pay for your transportation to and from work. Work to pay for the vacation you take from work. Work to eat, work to ...sleep, work to live. Work for the insurance copay for the meds you take because you're miserable at work.Work to find a mate, work to pay for dates to woo her, work to pay for a ring, work to build a family. Work for the life others have told you is ideal. Work to save for when your children go to college, where they will get a degree so that they can find work. Repeat ad infinitum."

Pinhead doesn't love his child.

"My little girl turns one tomorrow...it also marks the day I lost my wife. And now when I  look at my daughter--for whom I should feel nothing but unconditional love--all I can think is, You are a murderer. You took her from me. She was soulmate and you took her from me. Honestly, I don't know if I will ever be able to love my child."  

Cthulhu's marriage is a lie.

"I woke up yesterday, stared at my wife for a while, and realized that I'm married to a complete stranger."

Robot Monster settles into mediocrity.

"I'm definitely guilty of blaming external factors for my misery, but I'm starting to realize that it's me. The simple truth is that I am just a miserable person in general. I think a lot of it has to do with the fact that I've always thought I was special, unique, and that I would leave some significant mark upon the world. But it's dawned on me that I'm just mediocre. I'm not really good at anything. So, I can either buck that feeling and continue to fool myself, or settle into the bleak grayness of being unremarkable. At the end of the day, I'm just another insignificant stiff that will eventually exit the world the same way he entered it: unheralded." 

Sewer Monster has never seen the sun.

"I've never seen the sun. I've never let its honeyed light warm my pale flesh. I've never felt the wind, either. Real wind, not the hot, putrid wind generated by miles of sewer. I've also never walked barefoot through the grass, or laid down in a field to let my imagination mold clouds into the shapes of familiar things...The only time I've been above ground was on a cold, moonless night many years ago. A young woman saw me, screamed, and fled in terror. It upset and confused me so much that I haven't been back up since. Of course, this was before I realized my mouth looked like some sort of hellish asshole."

Bigfoot lost his faith.

"There is no God."

Dracula is addicted.

"I'm told they found me passed out on the sidewalk outside the 9th Street blood bank. It was nearly dawn, and apparently I was incoherent and didn't know where I was. All I know is that the urge took me over completely. I had to have my medicine. That's the funny thing about my condition--no matter how bad things get, no matter how much I lose or how many people die needlessly, that red stuff makes everything better. Tolerable. It's the only way I can bear the incredible burden that is eternal life. I need blood to live, but I feel like it's killing me."

The Creature from the Black Lagoon is dying of cancer.

"The funny thing is, deep down, I think we all knew it was bad. I mean, how could filling your lungs with smoke possibly be good for you? This was back before the government warnings, the lawsuits, all that. Sure, everyone smoked, but...we knew. We knew it was going to catch up to us one way or another. We just didn't know how. I quit about ten years ago, but apparently it was too little, too late. Six months, the doctors give me. Said the cancer has spread. I can't shake the feeling that of all the ways to die, this might be the dumbest."

Frankenstein's Monster needs a woman's touch.

"No one will have sex with me because it's technically considered necrophilia. I just need that touch, that intimacy. Everyone does. It's one of the greatest things about being...alive."

Hydra is one of the many indirect victims of alcoholism.

"You think five heads on one body would be bad ass? Well, it isn't, at least not in this case. Frank (far left) is a terrible alcoholic, and we all share the same two kidneys. Anyway, we need new ones if we expect to see November. And the worst part? Frank is still drinking. He's just thrown in the towel. None of us say anything because, well, Artie (second from left) is a HUGE Frank apologist and blames himself, anyway, and Toby and Milton (far right, second from right, respectively) obey their Al-Anon sponsor, who wants us to treat Frank like a sick person. Well, now we're all sick--real sick, too, not this 'I can't control myself so I must be sick' sick. We're all completely fucked."

The Predator thinks about mortality.

"I mean, we're warriors, right? I get it. But isn't there more to life than trophy hunting? It's like, my wife just found out she's pregnant, and what if I don't live to see my kid grow up? When I was younger, sure--the hunt was all I cared about. But now... I don't know. The thrill of the hunt has been replaced by the overwhelming consciousness of my own mortality."